And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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