I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
