Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
