Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
