Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
