ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
