You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
