I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
