never play flip cup with pint glasses
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
