Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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