i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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