imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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