She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
