happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
