East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
