who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
