I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
