1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
