we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
