Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
