There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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