How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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