when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
