As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
