She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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