kristin has been a bad kristin
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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