Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
