What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
