i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
