Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
