Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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