How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
