why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
