The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
