She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
