It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
