Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
