When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
