I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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