Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
