Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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