tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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