i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
