so explain again why im purple
no
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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