I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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