she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
