i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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