that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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