Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
