Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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