do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This house was built for laser tag.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
