I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let's get the cat blown out
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
